Homesickness and adaptation for a young hockey player abroad

What the child has to adapt to

A move abroad changes several things at once, not only the team. Think through each one before departure:

• Language. Training, school lessons and the dressing room may be in a language the child does not yet speak well.
• School. A different system, timetable and expectations, often fitted around ice time.
• Home life. Food, house rules, a host family or a boarding house instead of parents.
• The team. A new role, possibly a smaller one than at home, and new teammates who already know one another.
• Daily rhythm. Training load, travel, daylight and weather.

Before departure

• If possible, visit first: see the rink, the school and the housing, and meet the responsible adult. The child-safety guide lists what to ask.
• Learn basic phrases in the local language and some hockey vocabulary.
• Agree how the child will reach you and who locally the child can talk to besides the coach.
• Settle the call plan together (below) and agree a first review date.
• Check what the agreement says about leaving: refunds, registration and transfer. The offer checklist covers this.

How often to call

There is no rule, and the following is an EHA suggestion, not research. Many families do well with short calls at fixed times several times a week and a longer one at the weekend. Some ground rules:

• Let the child lead. Ask about food, sleep, school and friends, not only the last game.
• Avoid calling only after bad results or only to discuss hockey.
• Do not make the child responsible for the family's feelings. Missing each other is normal; sadness on the call is not a reason to cut it short or to blame the club.
• If the child stops answering or avoids calls for days, ask the responsible adult to check in the same day.

What is common and what is worrying

Common in the first weeks: missing home, being tired, feeling lonely at the weekend, frustration with the language or with a smaller role, mood that is up and down but improves as routines settle.

Worrying if it lasts or grows: persistent low mood, little eating or sleeping, withdrawing from teammates and the host family, no longer wanting to go to school or training, physical complaints with no clear cause, or talk of hopelessness. If any of this lasts for weeks, involve a doctor or psychologist where the child lives and tell the responsible adult. Any talk of self-harm needs immediate professional help; use the local emergency number if the child may be in danger.

Decide in advance when to come home

Agreeing the criteria calmly, before departure, makes the decision easier later. A useful list has two parts.

Come home or change the arrangement now:

• any safety concern about an adult, the housing or bullying that is not resolved at once;
• a health problem that cannot be treated well locally;
• conditions that differ materially from the written offer (housing, school, role, costs).

Review together at a set point:

• the child keeps asking to return, or low mood has not eased by the date you agreed, for example after the first couple of months or at the winter break;
• schoolwork is falling behind with no plan to catch up;
• the sporting role is much smaller than promised and the club cannot explain the path.

Often there is a middle option, such as a different host family, more frequent visits or a change of club, before leaving the country entirely. Returning home is not a failure; keep records so the decision does not turn into a dispute over money.

What the club, coach and agent can do

Ask the club who will check in on the child and how it will tell you about problems, not only about results. A good coach and a responsible adult will raise concerns early. EHA can help families prepare these questions and review an offer before travel, but a club, school or the local authorities remain responsible for the child on the ground.

See also the parent guide and the route comparison.

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